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How to get the government to listen to you (maybe): New Zealand edition

Recently I posted an English translation of Wellington City Council’s response to my Official Information Act request for more information on their proposed new motorcycle fee structure. I posted a link to that in the Wellington Riders Facebook group, because I figured it was relevant to their interests.

It was.

I have been asked to write up a guide on how to get the government to reconsider a policy that’s not likely to go down well with the people most affected by it. So I will.

First, some background on me, so you know I’m not just Some Guy on the Internet with an Opinion (I mean, that is also true, but…)

  • I worked in New Zealand local government for over five years
  • I have worked in New Zealand central government for about the same length of time
  • During my time in both government sectors, I was a key participant in the government side of running public consultation processes
This Council is in unacceptable condition. UNACCEPTABLLLLLLE CONDITIONNNNN!!!

I’ve been part of consultations on Proposed District Plans, Annual Plans, Long Term Plans, Smokefree 2025, and many others. I’ve helped run consultations on controversial topics that drew vehement public backlash too, like managed retreat from Matatā properties threatened by landslips, and a proposal to build a retirement community within throwing distance of a Whakatāne urupa.

I’ve seen how to get the government to change course on its proposals. I’ve also seen the circumstances under which the government will never, ever back down. I’ll talk about those first.

When the government absolutely, positively will not back down

If the idea your local government is putting out for submission is the mayor’s pet project, 999 times in 1000 you can forget any chance of the organisation changing its mind no matter what you say. This is why despite years of protests from several of the local Māori in the Whakatāne District, the controversial plan to build a retirement village across the river from the city went through. The mayor wanted it to go through — this was his legacy project, one that he spent nearly 20 years fighting for, and nothing less than a smackdown from the NZ Supreme Court or Environment Court was going to change his mind.

If the government has a “safety” spin on its proposal, then yeah, forget it, it’s happening. NZTA did a series of token consultations on its proposed speed limit reductions on SH5 (Napier-Taupō road) and SH2 between Featherston and Masterton, but another OIA request of mine showed that NZTA never seriously considered not lowering the speed limits and didn’t take public sentiment into account in its decision-making process at all. “Consultations are not a vote” they put it to me, bluntly, and there could be no clearer demonstration of the arrogance of some of these government departments and the degree to which they have forgotten who they actually work for.

The third and final time a government organisation won’t change course on its plans is when they’re technically not even allowed to. NZTA’s now-defunct “Road to Zero” campaign included several legislative gotchas that required local governments to also lower speed limits on locally-owned roads not even managed by NZTA. These local government organisations put these proposals out for consultation, but legally speaking their hands were pretty much tied no matter what the ratepayers’ feedback was — NZTA had managed to tie everything up in a neat little bow, or noose, depending on your perspective.

When these things happen, your only real recourses are:

  • Raise hell and try to get media attention
  • Hope that the baleful glare of a front-page article on Stuff or NZ Herald makes the organisation backpedal

If (usually when) that doesn’t work, you only have one option left: wait for the next election, and vote the bastards out.

With that out of the way, here’s how to get the government to change its mind when there’s actually a chance of making that happen.

How to make your voice heard, and make it count

Sometimes, as in the scenarios outlined above, the outcome is pre-determined no matter what you say. But contrary to what you might expect, this is rarer than most people might think. Even though the government may have explicitly listed a “preferred option” among four or so alternatives, most of the time the organisation is genuinely interested in public feedback to see if they got it mostly right, mostly wrong, or (usually) somewhere in the middle.

Local government organisations are legally required to solicit submissions on the District Plan, Annual Plan, and Long Term Plan, and in my experience they take submissions on all three of these very seriously. They do in fact read every submission received, and Council staff sort them into broad categories for easy consumption by the elected members when crafting the final version of whatever Plan is under consideration.

So when the government opens public submissions on a topic you actually care about, the easiest way to make your voice heard is to use it. Fill out the submission form. Depending on what organisation made it, the form will either be very user-friendly or close to incomprehensible and all but unusable, but power on through the multiple-choice questions and checkboxes anyway. If you’re lucky, there will be a free-text field (or a way to attach a separate Word document) where you can go into fuller detail on what you think about their proposal and why. My advice here, as someone who has both made and received submissions, is to stay on topic, refrain from being abusive, and argue the facts of the case more so than your opinions.

If you know of an organisation or business that is likely to be affected by the proposal in the same way your are, make them aware of it if they aren’t already, and encourage them to make a submission as well. Whether it’s fair or not, Councils do seem to give greater weight to submissions from organisations and businesses than they do from “ordinary” people — I don’t think this is anything specifically nefarious on their part, it’s just human nature at work.

If you’re comfortable speaking to your submission before Council (not all people are), if you’re able to commit the time, and if you’re passionate enough about what you’re submitting on, then absolutely go do it. Words on a page or a screen are one thing, but hearing an actual person make a passionate and (hopefully) well-informed defence of their argument carries a lot more sway. The advice here is largely the same as it was for your written submission — be as well-researched and well-prepared as you can, stay on topic, don’t be a dick, and stick to the facts.

Following the above guidelines, it is absolutely possible to get the government to change its mind on something it’s proposed. As just one example, Wellington City Council made its first attempt at charging motorcyclists for parking as part of its Parking Policy consultation in 2020, but overwhelmingly negative public feedback convinced them to drop that idea. Now that they’ve made the same proposal again, it’s time to make our voices heard again.

And if they don’t listen, the same advice previously mentioned applies:

  • Raise hell and try to get media attention
  • Hope that the baleful glare of a front-page article on Stuff or NZ Herald makes the organisation backpedal
  • If (usually when) that doesn’t work, wait for the next election and vote the bastards out.

English translation of Wellington City Council’s response to a request for information on its proposed motorcycle parking fees

Honda CBR500R, BMW S1000R, and BMW G310R motorcycles parked on a wooden deck.

For context, Wellington City Council has proposed charging motorcyclists $2.50 per hour to use motorcycle parking spaces in the central city. Those parks are currently free of charge and always have been. 

This isn’t the first time the Council has tried to charge motorcyclists for a previously free service; their 2020 Parking Policy also made this proposal. Wellington’s many motorcycle commuters said “nope” pretty clearly and loudly in 2020, but the Council is back at it in 2024.

The Council didn’t offer any justification for its latest dumbass proposal, so I sent them an Official Information Act request so they would be forced to issue a response.

They responded, all right. As a public service, I have translated the Council-speak into actual English. The Council’s actual remarks from the OIA response are in bold. My original questions are in italics. My translation of their responses are in plain text.

Thank you for your email of 15 February 2024 to Wellington City Council.

Translation: Sir, how DARE you question us? We are going to respond because we are legally required to do so, but we are ABSOLUTELY going to take the maximum amount of time allowed under legislation before we respond to your dumbass question. What was it you wanted from us anyway, peasant?

I request all Council information on the annual cost of maintaining motorcycle parks for the period January 2014 to January 2024. 

Cost of maintaining motorcycle parking from 1 January 2014 to 1 January 2024

  • Line Marking: $64,239.05
  • Signs Maintenance: $74,645.17

Translation: Oh good, an easy question for a change. This was a total cost of $138,884 over a period of 10 years.

If there are 500 motorcycles parked in Wellington on any given day, and if only each of these peon motorcycle riders would pay us a measly $2.50 per hour for the privilege of using those spaces, for 9 hours each day, that means the full 10-year cost of maintaining these spaces for these ungrateful bikers would be fully paid for in…

12.3 days.

The $41 million in revenue gathered for the remaining 3640 days of the 10-year period would naturally go toward funding even more bicycle paths.

I further request all Council information on how that cost is currently funded. 

Budgets are used for maintenance as and when it is required. If signs and poles are damaged, they are repaired or replaced, and motorcycle park line marking, as all line markings, are marked annually (either bi-annually or tri-annually) and this is dependent on the level of the foot traffic and volumes of vehicle traffic.

Translation: We don’t know where the money currently comes from. It just appears when the Opex Faerie flies in and spreads gold dust over the streets. It’s just too bad this gold dust isn’t water soluble and can’t be used to fix our third-world water infrastructure.

I further request all Council information on how it determined that its currently proposed $2.50 per hour, per motorcycle parking fee was a fair and reasonable rate, and how much (if any) of this revenue will actually be used to maintain motorcycle parking. 

Revenue from parking fees is not hypothecated, therefore we are unable to say what proportion of the revenue from motorcycle parking would be used to maintain that parking.

Translation: LMAO, we didn’t research this at all. We just want you filthy bikers to pay money for something you’re used to getting for free. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why.

Also, I finally got to use “hypothecated” in a sentence. My team bet me $20 I couldn’t sneak this one in before Easter. I won!

The $2.50/h fee proposed for on-street central city motorcycle parking is the suggested maximum fee.

Translation: We are definitely going to charge $2.50 an hour if we are allowed to get away with it.

And we will be. Get used to it, scrubs.

Individual motorcycle parking bays would have individual pricing, with the intention of managing demand in the relevant parking bay to achieve average occupancy below 85%.

Translation: We recognise the fact that existing motorcycle parking is woefully inadequate to service demand, so we are going to try artificially constraining demand instead of actually addressing the issue. We’re also going to mark out individual bays for each bike so we can constrain parking availability even further.

We got these ideas by shoving our heads so far up our own arses that we could use ourselves as our own hats. We then tried to high-five each other to celebrate our brilliance, but it was too hard, what with not being able to see or hear anything. One of us tripped over a safety railing… it was a whole thing. Our social media team filmed it and put it on the WCC TikTok. It was our most popular video of the year so far.

Determination of reasonable fees is an iterative process, not a single-point decision, and public consultation on the Long-Term Plan is part of that determination.

Translation: We pulled this number out of our arses once we got our heads out of the way. We will now go through the minimum legally required level of effort to solicit public feedback on our cunning plan, and we will put on the best show we can in pretending to care about your feedback right before doing what we were going to do anyway.

I further request any information (if any) showing that Council took into consideration the multitude of submissions against proposed motorcycle parking fees when the Council made this proposal as part of its consultation on its Parking Policy in 2020.

Council is cognisant of the submissions made in regard to the Parking Policy 2020, and to previous long-term plans, but is working to the Parking Policy as adopted and long-term plans are prepared from first principles, according to the needs and requirements of the relevant plan period.

Translation: Of COURSE we didn’t take public sentiment into account! What do you think this is, a democracy?!

Indian Scout and FTR 1200 motorcycles in Martinborough.
What parking looks like in a town run by people with more than two brain cells

The seven deadly sins of website accessibility

In defence of website accessibility

I’ve worked on New Zealand government websites in one capacity or another for almost 10 years. One of the central pillars of managing these websites has been maintaining their accessibility — and sometimes this can be a pretty challenging task, mainly because people who don’t work in the web space often don’t know what website accessibility even is, or why it’s important.

I used to explain website accessibility in terms of making sure that people with sensory, motion, or cognitive challenges were able to get the same level of access to website information as people who didn’t experience those challenges. “A blind user using VoiceOver on their iPhone should be able to access our website just as easily as a sighted user on a desktop PC.” However, I would often get pushback from people when I explained it in these terms, with some people insisting that the percentage of these users must be so small that it doesn’t matter, and can we please just get that 50-page scanned PDF up on the website without further discussion, it’s urgent.

whakatane.govt.nz - screenshot of old version
The 2009 to 2013 version of whakatane.govt.nz got an above average accessibility score, but there was room for improvement.
whakatane.govt.nz website screenshot - new version.
My redesign of whakatane.govt.nz scored higher on accessibility than any other local government website in New Zealand.

New Zealand government web standards make it pretty easy to counter that argument, because you are required to maintain a certain level of website accessibility for these sites. It’s not optional.

The government doesn’t go into a whole lot of detail about what happens if and when they find out your website isn’t meeting the standard, but I imagine the results wouldn’t be all that favourable to the people responsible for maintaining any site that falls afoul of an audit.

Partially because of that, but mostly because I think the web should be a democratised space where everyone gets equal access to information, I’ve made it my business to educate myself and others about website accessibility as much as possible. I’ve also been fiercely protective of maintaining the standards on any website I’ve worked on — and not just government websites — even if it leads to conflict with people who insist it can’t be as important as all that.

Because it is important. The reality is that maintaining high standards for website accessibility doesn’t just make the website better for blind users, or deaf users, or people navigating the website by voice or eye tracking, or people with cognitive difficulties. Making websites more accessible makes them better for everyone.

What “website accessibility” means

WCAG guidelines go into great detail on what website accessibility actually means and what the standards are. The bottom line, too-long-didn’t-read summary of the guidelines is that they deal with how to design and maintain websites and website content so they serve the needs of three broad categories of users.

People with sensory challenges

Because the web is a primarily visual medium, people usually focus on how to maintain website accessibility for blind users. That’s good, but it’s only a single facet of the sensory difficulties users may experience. Deaf users can’t hear what’s being said in a video. Older users may be able to see but may also have any number of age-related visual deficits. Colourblind people can’t tell that the important text on your page is important, because the only thing denoting it as being important is that the text is red. Even people with otherwise normal sight can have bad days — my eyes refused to focus for the first couple of hours after I woke up this morning.

Maintaining accessibility for people with sensory challenges is where most of the focus and effort seems to go, and for good reason — because it’s arguably the easiest thing to get wrong.

People with motion challenges

The web is also a medium that demands some kind of user motion to interact with it: clicking or tapping buttons and links, scrolling through pages, typing to fill out forms. For people who have difficulty making these kinds of motions, or who just flat out can’t move at all, trying to interact with websites that aren’t designed with them in mind can range from frustrating to outright impossible.

The main focus in this area again seems to be on the most greatly challenged users — paraplegics, for example. But motion challenges can vary just as widely as sensory challenges, ranging from an elderly person with Parkinson’s disease to a person missing several fingers. I find using mouses and trackpads somewhat challenging on Windows devices, because the pointer acceleration profile on Windows PCs tends to absolutely suck compared to the profile used on Macs. This means I rely on keyboard navigation much more heavily when I’m on a PC, but lots of websites make keyboard navigability way harder than it has to be.

For the most part, addressing the needs of people with motion challenges happens at the design and build stage of the website, and isn’t necessarily something that web content authors and maintainers need to focus on as much as the other two categories. That said, it’s a good thing to have in the back of your mind anyway.

People with cognitive challenges

Back when I said maintaining accessibility for people with sensory challenges was arguably the easiest thing to get wrong, I might have spoken too soon. Because providing information for people with cognitive challenges is usually where websites end up getting it very, very wrong.

Cognitive challenges span a wide spectrum. It can mean someone has a developmental or learning disorder, but it may also mean something as simple as a user who speaks English as a second, third (etc) language. A person who doesn’t speak English natively doesn’t have an actual cognitive deficit, but they will still have more difficulty understanding complex information.

People experiencing chronic or acute stress (such as during an emergency) may also have difficulties understanding poorly-optimised written content. A new mother whose newborn hasn’t allowed her a full night’s sleep in a month. Someone trying to find information on CPR when their partner is unresponsive and paramedics are still 20 minutes away. An elderly man who has just been diagnosed with COVID and fears it may be a death sentence. All of these people are going to have roadblocks to their reading comprehension that they might not have under better circumstances.

Government departments try to get this right when they produce content — well, sometimes they do. Unfortunately, governments love their jargon, and abbreviations, and long-winded technical documents written more in legalese than in plain English. 

“Plain English” is the key phrase here, and the easiest way to make sure written content is readable for the greatest number of people. The NZ government has recently made “plain English” a legal requirement for government-produced content, but it remains to be seen how vigorous they’ll be in enforcing the standard.

Seven common web accessibility mistakes — and how to avoid them

The WCAG guidelines go into exhaustive detail about every aspect of web accessibility and how to adhere to the recommended standards. But over the past 10 years, I have seen seven very common mistakes that people make when producing web content, and fixing these issues will go a long way toward making your information more accessible to everyone.

1. Inaccessible documents

This is by far the most common issue I have seen when maintaining web content for government websites. The scenario is usually something along these lines:

  1. The organisation’s legal team sends through a PDF that absolutely has to go on the website right now.
  2. Because a Very Important Person signed the document, and because the legal team doesn’t know how to produce an accessible PDF containing a signature, they have scanned the printed document and emailed that to you.
  3. Since the document is just a scanned version, from a digital perspective it’s no better than a fax, or a screenshot of text. It contains no machine-readable text, and therefore the document fails to meet the most basic level of accessibility standards.

I have had to send these types of documents back to their owners, with a brief explanation for why they can’t be used online and how they can produce an accessible alternative, literally hundreds (and possibly even thousands) of times over the past 10 years. There are two easy ways around this.

  1. Use Adobe Acrobat Sign or a similar app to set up digital signatures for documents; or
  2. Omit signatures from documents and upload the unsigned version — so long as the physical copy of the signed version exists somewhere, you are legally covered.

Considering how easy Adobe and other software has made it to generate accessible PDFs, even with digital signatures, there’s really no good excuse for the “let’s scan this printout at the copier and email that to the Web Team” thing anymore. There is of course a broader discussion to be had around whether information should be shoved into PDFs and Word documents at all, because it’s far easier to make that information properly accessible if it’s actual text on a webpage rather than an attached document. However, at least in some circles (government especially) it’s often impractical to take the text-on-webpage approach. The bottom line here is that if you feel like you absolutely have to have your information buried in a PDF, the very least you can do is make that PDF actually readable.

2. “Click here”

The words “click here” are the bane of my existence. People who write links using “click here” or even just “here” are doing a serious disservice to website visitors, and they don’t even know it. A website link should give you some idea of what it will do and where it will take you before you click it. Consider the following two options:

  1. Click here
  2. View Rick Astley – “Never Gonna Give You Up” – YouTube video

Both of those links go to the same place. The difference is the first one doesn’t give you any context at all for what the link will do, while the second one tells you exactly what to expect (and therefore, you know not to click on it if you don’t want to).

It’s not enough to have the context for the link somewhere outside of the link, either. Plenty of people think this is just fine:

  • To view Rick Astley’s music video for “Never Gonna Give You Up”, click here

To explain why this isn’t an acceptable way to write a link, I have to put you in the shoes of a blind user navigating your website. Screen reader software usually comes with a feature that identifies web page headings (more about those later) and links on the page. This acts as a shortcut for the user and allows them to skip between headings and links without having to wade through all the intervening text first.

What’s this person’s device going to say to them when they come across that link in the example sentence from earlier? “Click here.” That’s it. No context at all for them. Worse, if you’re like a lot of web content authors I’ve seen, you’ll have the words “click here” or “here” peppered throughout your text multiple times, so all this poor user is going to hear when they navigate through your page links is “click here” “here” “click here” “click here” — incredibly frustrating.

Telling people to “click here” also ignores the basic fact that a lot of your users — probably more than 2/3 of them — are going to be on a smartphone when they visit your site. They can’t “click” anything. They’ll understand what to do anyway — probably? — but you should avoid telling them to do something they fundamentally cannot do on the device they’re using.

The easiest way to get around this problem is to write the text in your links as though they were the only thing on the page. Imagine that all other text on the page went away, and all you were left with was the blue (or other colour) text with the underline beneath it, directing the user to do something or go somewhere. Your job is to make sure they understand exactly what that link does, without any other help outside of the link itself. Write your links as a short action phrase: “Go to (the name of the website)” or “Read (the name of the document)”.

3. Not using headings (or using them wrong)

Remember when I said blind users have screenreaders that can skip between headings? Do you know what happens for these users when you’ve used bold text for headings instead of actual h2, h3, or h4 heading text? You probably don’t know, but now you will: the screenreader doesn’t identify any headings, so it acts like there aren’t any. So the user can’t skip between headings, can’t identify the overall structure of the page at a glance, and has to wait for the screenreader to read out potentially almost the entire page before getting to the content they actually need.

Not using properly marked-up headings also means Google’s web crawler has a harder time identifying what your page is supposed to be about, which can cause your content to take a big hit on search engine optimisation, meaning people won’t find it as easily as they could have.

Another thing I see people doing is using headings stylistically and skipping the styles they don’t like. They’ll skip from h2 all the way down to h5, then go up to h3 for some reason, then back to h5… when you do this, what you’re telling both screenreaders and Google is to present the content in an order of hierarchy entirely different from what you might intend. If you don’t understand what I mean by that, the simpler version is that there’s a right and wrong way to use headings:

  • h1 is the top-level heading for the page. This should be your page title. There shouldn’t be another h1 anywhere on the page. Most website CMS editors will let you use another h1 if you want to — but don’t.
  • h2 is the actual top-level heading for the page content. This should be the first heading type you use when you want to carve up your page content into smaller chunks. If you think of your page as a book, and h1 as the title of that book, then h2 headings are the titles of your book’s chapters.
  • h3 is a subheading under h2. This is a subsection within an h2 section.
  • h4 is a subheading under h3. This is a sub-subsection within an h3 section.
  • …and so on, from h5 down to h6.

The key here is not to skip around randomly from h2 to h4, or skip h2 altogether and go straight to h3. Headings do more than make text bigger and bolder — they tell software what the overall structure of the page actually is, like building a table of contents for a book. If you use headings non-hierarchically, you’ll confuse the software, and you’ll confuse your users — and Google. You don’t want that.

4. Jargon, jargon, and more jargon

If you’re writing for a specific kind of audience that already understands the language of whatever industry or field you’re presenting information for, then fine — go absolutely nuts with the jargon, highly technical language, and abbreviations. If you’re writing for a general audience, don’t do that. Use plain English wherever possible. Explain technical terms the first time they occur in your text. Spell out abbreviations the first time they show up, then use the abbreviation after that. Simplify your language as much as you can without losing the essential meaning of what you’re trying to say.

Some organisations try to fulfil this objective by producing “Easy Read” documents that use much simpler language and even diagrams to get the basic meaning across for people that might not be able to understand the content otherwise. This is a good approach, although it does mean creating and maintaining two entirely separate versions of the same content, which can get unwieldy very quickly. It’s perhaps better to take the opposite approach: make the text on your page as basic and widely-accessible as possible, and offer the more detailed, more technical version separately for the subset of your audience that needs this more detailed (and possibly more jargon-filled) information.

5. Insufficient colour contrast between foreground and background

I usually see this in website design or graphic design more than in web content, but it’s still a problem I see way more often than necessary. Having insufficient contrast between elements in the foreground (text, usually) and the background makes it very difficult to impossible for some people to read. If you were around in the early days of the web, you might remember people’s personal websites had an often, um, creative approach to the colours they’d use — purple text on a lime green background is one example that still haunts me 25 years later.

There’s a good reason most websites have a white background with black text (or vice versa): that’s the widest possible contrast between two colours, and therefore the easiest way for our eyes (and brains) to distinguish between two elements laid on top of one another. If you have light grey text over a dark grey background, or orange text over a yellow background, people are going to have a much harder time seeing it.

There are several online tools that can evaluate colour contrast and let you know whether the difference between foreground and background colours is good enough for most (if not necessarily all) people. The one I usually use is the snook.ca Colour Contrast Check, though there are many others that do the same thing.

6. No ALT text on images

You’ve put a picture of a dog standing on a beach in front of a glorious sunset on your website. Almost everyone will see this cool picture — but not everyone. Blind users with a screenreader will come across this image, and if you haven’t put in what’s known as ALT text, their screenreader will do one of two things: skip right over the image, or worse, read out the image file name. Google’s web crawler will come across this image, but without ALT text to identify what it is, it won’t know what to make of it, and it might not show up in search results.

Here’s a worse example that I’ve seen way too many times in the government web space: You have a neat graphic of a complex workflow or a statistical graph that, for whatever reason, you can’t provide in any format other than as an image. So for anyone who can’t see the image without the help of a screenreader, all the text that’s inside that image might as well not even exist if you haven’t put in any ALT text to provide context for them.

The easiest way around this is to just not use images at all, but that’s either no fun (in the case of dog pictures) or impractical (for graphs and similar content). The next easiest way around the problem is to use ALT text with every image you put on your website, if that image is supposed to convey something other than pure decoration. Use just enough text that a blind user (or Google) can identify the essential purpose of the image (or whatever text the image might contain). You don’t have to go crazy and write a novella-sized description — in most cases, a sentence or two is more than enough.

7. No captions on videos

I don’t know how many times someone in a government department has sent through a video that had to go up today, urgently, but their video didn’t contain captions and couldn’t be published until it did. Videos without captions don’t meet accessibility guidelines for the same reason that photos without ALT text don’t either: for a statistically significant part of your audience, a video without captions won’t do them any good at all.

Usually we talk about deaf users when we talk about people needing captions for videos, but it goes beyond that — they can be very helpful for people who don’t have English as their first language, or for people who have trouble understanding whatever accent people are speaking in throughout the video (imagine someone from the USA trying to understand a video from Scotland without captions, or someone from China trying to understand New Zealanders). People may also be watching your videos in an environment where they can’t hear very well (like on a train or bus) or they may be somewhere that they don’t want sound playing but still want to get the information in the video (trying not to wake up their roommate, or not wanting everyone in the house to know they’re watching a video about getting treatment for an STD).

Relying on YouTube’s automatically-generated captions is pretty much a recipe for disaster. They do an okay-ish job when the speaker has an American accent and isn’t using any slang or technical terms, but if (as just one example) your speaker has a New Zealand accent and is using a lot of Māori language, YouTube is going to absolutely mangle the captions more often than not.

Creating captions isn’t difficult — you literally just have to type out what people are saying into a plain text document and upload that alongside your video. It can be pretty time-consuming, however. 

Why you should care about accessibility

Beyond just wanting to make sure that your website’s content can get out to as many people as possible, there’s a very good reason to want every website to be as accessible as it can be: someday, you yourself will need it to be. You will get older, and your eyesight will start to fail. Your hands might start to shake. You might have trouble understanding words and concepts that used to come easily to you. On a long enough timeline, you will need websites to have a basic level of accessibility if you want to be able to use them at all. You might not be blind, deaf, paralysed, or cognitively impaired to a profound degree, but at some point you will be old enough that reading tiny text, tapping tiny buttons, and understanding lengthy jargon-filled sentences will be difficult. If you can’t find it in yourself to make your website accessible for everyone else, do yourself a favour and make it accessible for the future version of you.

Breaking: Twitter still a cesspool, water still wet

I joined Twitter in 2009, mainly to see what all the hype was about. I liked the vibe of the place, and the fact that I could use third-party apps to post things there was also a definite bonus. Not long after I started writing for The Unofficial Apple Weblog in mid-2009, Twitter became the main medium by which I interacted with readers. One of those readers lived in the same town in NZ that I did, and he liked my work enough that he offered me a real-life, real-world job. Every job that I’ve held since then has been built off the foundations of that first one.

It’s therefore not hyperbole to say that I got where I am today because of Twitter. Without it, I wouldn’t have had anything like the career I enjoyed between 2012 and 2023. Hell, I probably wouldn’t still be in New Zealand if it weren’t for the career opportunities that opened up for me because of just a single early 2012 tweet from my NZ-based follower, who put out a call for any writers interested in a position…

After TUAW got shut down in 2015, I slowly used Twitter less and less actively. I still doomscrolled through it every day, just a casual observer of how the world slowly went down the tubes over the next few years, watching with equal bits horror and curiosity. As the world became the equivalent of a gruesome car wreck that you didn’t want to see, but simply could not turn away from, so too did Twitter.

As Twitter increasingly became a weaponised platform, I became increasingly disinterested in engaging with it. I don’t watch Fox News for a very good reason, and by 2018 Twitter was starting to feel very much as though it had become the Fox News of social media. As far-right radicals (including the President of the United States) amped up their use of the platform to spread messages of hatred, division, and disinformation, I hoped — and so did a lot of other people — that the people running Twitter would finally step in with some much-needed moderation.

Cancelled
I wish I had more than one of these stickers.

No such luck. Jack Dorsey, one of the guys who founded Twitter and who was still (kind of) running it, responded to calls for increased moderation with a bunch of tech-bro libertarianism and “both sides are equally bad” arguments. Whether he intended it or not, what I took away from his response to the influx of literal goddamned Nazis (LGNs) on Twitter was that, instead of wielding a banhammer like it was Mjolnir, Dorsey (and Twitter) were stroking their beards and furrowing their brows and saying, “Wait, wait: let’s hear them out.”

I knew then that it was time to jump off the burning oil rig. I could not in good conscience continue to support, with either my time or attention, a platform that allowed LGNs free rein to say whatever the hell they wanted, or to allow the unhinged President to use the same platform to spread malicious lies and disinformation like it was going out of style (Narrator: It was not going out of style).

I’d seen before what happens when a social media enclave is (mis)managed by a laissez-faire site owner who styles himself as a “free-speech absolutist” who expects the “marketplace of ideas” to condemn and ultimately negate any genuinely harmful or disgusting rhetoric. It’s the sociolinguistic equivalent of the right-wing mantra against the concept of economic regulation: “let the free market decide”. What happened in this earlier case — a web-based community of mostly like-minded people that pre-dated the very concept of social media itself — was that the trolls slowly and insidiously took the site over, drove out all the old regulars, and left the place a digital ghost town with nothing more than a single far-right nutjob shrieking conspiracy theories into otherwise empty online discussion boards.

In other words, the consequence of “free speech absolutism” on that website was — shockingly — that psychopaths with copious free time and zero social inhibitions or shame became the loudest voices in the room and drove everyone else away. 

I could see the same thing happening to Twitter, so it was in the middle of either 2018 or 2019 — I can’t remember which, but long ago enough now that it doesn’t matter — that I deleted my account and bid Twitter a one-fingered adieu.

Finally, in January of 2021 Trump did something that not even the pseudo-libertarian tech bros running Twitter could forgive. Apparently, using the platform to incite an insurrection against the government was one step too far under Twitter’s terms of service. Or at least it used to be.

And now, as we’re all painfully aware, Elon Musk owns Twitter. And unlike the surface-level success he’s had at Tesla, or the admittedly impressive work that SpaceX and Starlink have done, Musk has done more harm to Twitter in less than a year than an army of dedicated far-right trolls could have done in five.

I got ample evidence of Twitter’s further descent into poo-flinging madness earlier today. I was directed via Daring Fireball to a Tweet thread about “social authoritarianism”. I’m not going to go too deeply into what I think about what the author of that thread had to say, other than that I disagree with his conclusions primarily because they smell an awful lot like the “free speech absolutism” peddled by Musk, Dorsey, and the unnamed lazy site owner of that unnamed website from the deep woods of my past. (One of the replies to this thread even bloviates about the “marketplace of ideas” concept, which… heh. Thanks for proving my point, “libertarian” dudebro.)

Nah, what really drove home to me how much of a complete cesspool Twitter has become was the “More tweets” thing below that thread, which was just wall-to-wall right-wing bullshit. Some negative meme about Greta Thunberg. Kevin McCarthy wailing about Trump’s (supposedly) impending arrest being a miscarriage of justice. At least four separate “this guy from the hood OWNS Fauci when he goes door-to-door peddling the jab” tweets. At least three openly anti-trans tweets.

If that’s what counts as a “marketplace of ideas”, I have a better idea: nope. Your marketplace sucks, and I’m taking my attention — the real currency of the vaunted “marketplace of ideas” — elsewhere.

“So much for the tolerant left!” Well, yeah. I’m intolerant of intolerance. That isn’t the “gotcha” moment that people on the far right think it is. And as for the libertarian dudebros who want to use the same “let the free market decide” argument as capitalist oligarchs, I wonder how long their insistence on free-speech absolutism would hold up if they, like me in early 2014, had to spend the worse part of a month dealing with an onslaught of harassers and trolls sicced on them by a prominent tech bro who didn’t like being publicly called out on his BS. How much value does your “marketplace of ideas” place on a dude who has nothing better to do for a full month than send an ongoing torrent of harassing tweets and emails, some of them threatening to end your career, others threatening to end your life? And this happened in 2014. I can only imagine how much worse it would be today.

Like so much of the pre-2016 world, I miss what Twitter used to be. I owe a lot of who I am today to the Twitter of those days. But that Twitter is long gone, and the twitching, shambling thing that bears its name today needs to be put out of our collective misery.

Human rights are not a non-renewable resource

It’s impossible to overstate the influence that Star Trek had on me when I was a kid.

“Oh here we go again, another nerdy white Gen-Xer opining about some dumb sci-fi show — show us your doll collection, nerd.” First of all, they’re action figures. Second, I’m not talking about “I became an engineer because of Scotty” or “Spock made me want to do stuff with computers, so here I am in IT” territory. I’m talking about “I literally would not be anywhere close to the person I am today, and might even be in jail, or dead” territory.

Like a lot of people in my generation, I come from a “broken” home. “Broken” in the sense of, “Americans decided at some point that the traditional ‘nuclear family’ model is the only right one, and anything that deviates from that is bad, and you should feel bad.” Things started out traditionally enough: my emotionally distant and abusive father went to work and paid the bills, my mom stayed home and did all the “wifely duties”, and I did what American kids tend to do: loudly demand more stuff and absolutely lose my shit if said stuff did not end up in my little hands right then and there.

Spock
This is the way — wait, wrong show.
Picard
A wizard is never late, Frodo Bagg— dammit, wrong show again.

My parents got divorced a few months before I turned 10. Not long after that, my mom found herself a boyfriend. And not too much longer after that, he moved in with us.

I’m not gonna go into too much detail about that guy, or about my father before him, but the details don’t really matter. What matters are the broad strokes: I knew, deep down in my bones, that neither of those guys were people I should look up to, much less emulate. They were both examples of what not to do, of who not to become.

I wasn’t even 11 years old before I solemnly swore that I would never end up like either of them. Despite not having achieved many of the other goals I set for myself during that same era (though I’m sure NASA will be giving me a call any day now… ), that was one goal that I have indeed managed to achieve. Don’t be like them: I’m not. Don’t do what they did: I haven’t.

It took me a while to realise why I was able to make this decision in the first place. How does a 10-year-old kid reach the conclusion that his dad isn’t someone he wants to be when he grows up? How does an 11-year-old kid realise that his mom’s live-in boyfriend is a total loser and someone whose opinions on life, the universe, and everything are meant to be taken with a planetoid-sized grain of salt?

I mean, it’s not like I had any other positive male role models in my life… or did I?

In real life, no. Every man I knew in real life was an exemplar of mid-20th century toxic masculinity in one way or another, and this was decades before “toxic masculinity” was even a recognised concept. Back then, it was just called “being a man”. Like so many things, we simply didn’t know any better back then. Or, at least, the men who loomed large in my real life didn’t. I, somehow, knew there was something better worth striving for, an ideal I could set for myself that had very little to do with my dad’s or my stepdad’s image of what a “real man” is.

Here now is where the prologue ends, and I finally start talking about Star Trek. I’m old enough that, back in my day, they didn’t call it “The Original Series” with Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and the rest of the Technicolor gang. Back then, it was just Star Trek. It hadn’t yet become the monolithic franchise that it is in the 21st century, though it had already become a cultural juggernaut years before I was even born. Its 55-minute TV episodes were glitzy (by the standards of the era) and action-packed (ibid), but they were also sneaky little bite-sized morality tales in the same vein as Aesop’s Fables or the Biblical Proverbs. And there was no higher paragon of morality and virtue in the show than stoic stalwart Spock, whose struggle to control his emotions and inability to understand the motives and motivations of those around him strongly resonated with the pre-teen version of me. The guy might be an alien, but here was an example of someone facing the same problems I was, and overcoming them, and here’s the critical part: he did it without being an asshole.

In the absence of any men worth looking up to in my real life, I looked up to Spock instead. I reined in my completely out-of-control emotions (I was a holy terror when I was a child, and I’m amazed my mother didn’t murder me to death). In truth, I probably went a little too far in the other direction with respect to rejecting feelings and embracing logic — just like Spock did — and that’s something I still struggle with. But at the time, it was absolutely the right decision and the right direction, and if I hadn’t been able to make that change, I would never have ended up as the more-or-less productive member of society that I am today.

To put it more succinctly and bluntly, Spock inspired me to get my shit together. I kept my shit together because of Picard.

Some friends my age didn’t really get Picard. They looked up to Kirk, and since Riker was basically Kirk 2.0, they yearned for a day when he could be in charge instead. But for me, something about Picard’s cool, measured approach to situations highly appealed to me. More than that, it was his adherence to a personal code of honour and ethics, and steadfast devotion to deeply-held principles, even when they came in conflict with the prospect of his own survival, that gelled with my own developing self-image. Picard was a man whose first duty was to the truth, and for whom absolutely everything else in his life was in furtherance of the pursuit of whatever truths might be left in the crucible once the flames had died down. It was a far cry from the “adults” (really just asshole teenagers who grew bigger) that I knew in my real life, who were a variety of scammers, grifters, and cheats. For those dudes, “honour” was really just another word for “respect”. They didn’t know the real meaning of honour, the one that Picard displayed, and the one I embraced and still live by to this day: do the right thing, the right way, every time, no matter the personal cost. Do what is right not because you expect to be rewarded, in this life or any other, but simply because it is right. Do what is right not just when it’s easy, but also and especially when it’s hard.

The other ideal that Star Trek as a broader franchise instilled in me is stated outright in an episode of The Original Series, called “Is There in Truth No Beauty”: Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, or IDIC for short.

If you were to break down and distill all the hundreds of hours of the entire franchise to one guiding principle, it would undoubtedly be that of IDIC. The idea behind it is that instead of using how we differ from others to set hard “us versus them” lines in the sand, and to use those lines to define who will be persecuted and who will be doing the persecuting, we instead should embrace what makes us different, because understanding and embracing those differences ultimately makes all of us better for it. This principle is demonstrated on a pretty literal level in Star Trek, where the mostly human crew generally treats whatever alien of the week they come across with the same dignity and respect that the humans would show one another, no matter how weird the aliens’ foreheads might look or how strangely 80s their fashion decisions might be.

It’s this notion of IDIC that’s probably the most fundamentally utopian concept in all of Star Trek. Warp drives, transporters, replicators — these are all fundamentally world-shaking technologies that would most definitely change the course of our evolution as a society and as a species, but it’s the idea of IDIC that shows us how we, as humans, can evolve and change our minds.

And today, in 2023, we have a very long way to go before we even get close. Some pockets of our civilisation are even actively trying to halt, or reverse, our progress toward that utopian ideal.

The latest sideshow in the three-ring circus of far-right politics is the weaponisation and demonisation of the word “woke”. According to their pundits and politicians, we are expected to believe that “wokeism” and “woke politics” and “woke ideology” is the worst crisis our species has faced in the entire history of ever. My latest pastime is mentally substituting the word “egalitarian” every time I hear one of them say “woke”, and then listening to these political equivalents to prosperity preachers rail against “egalitarianism” and “egalitarian politics” and “egalitarian ideology”.

Because that is, essentially, what they are doing. They’re passing laws against teaching the very real history of oppression and racism in the United States. They’re trying as hard as they can to tear down hard-fought equality for LGBTQ+ people. The group currently dead-centre in the far-right’s crosshairs is transgender people, but 20 years ago it was homosexuals, 30 years ago it was Mexicans, 60 years ago it was blacks, and 100 years ago it was women. There’s always a new group for them to target for oppression and ridicule, though of course they don’t frame it that way. The right obfuscates — and has always obfuscated — its intentions to keep rich white dudes at the top of the societal pyramid by insisting that extending rights and privileges to “others” means taking rights away from them, and from you. If women can vote, that means a man’s vote counts for less. If blacks can sit in the same section of the restaurant as whites, that means whites are somehow demeaned. If Mexicans can immigrate to the USA with impunity, that means the “native” Americans are made lesser by their presence (the irony of this ideology goes unnoticed). If gays can marry each other, then by GAWD, what’s next?! And if those transgenders can use the same bathrooms as the rest of us, who’s to say what they’ll demand next?

What the far-right wants people to believe is that human rights are somehow in limited supply, and that giving rights to one group inevitably means taking them away from someone else. This was exactly the thinking behind their attack on Affirmative Action policies in the early 1990s: they didn’t focus on the fact that disadvantaged black people were being given greater access to university admittance and employment prospects, but rather that those prospects were being taken away from more deserving whites. Giving gays the right to marry wasn’t about giving them the same rights as heterosexuals; instead, it was — somehow — an attack on the “sanctity of marriage” that would somehow demean and denigrate the very concept of marriage itself.

The far-right is very much not interested in the concept of Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations, thank you very much. In fact, I’d bet a large sum of money that if a modern-day episode of Star Trek came out that explicitly endorsed the notion of IDIC, the Fox News commentators would absolutely lose their goddamned minds at how “woke” Star Trek had suddenly become — utterly missing the fact that Star Trek has been “woke” for almost 60 years already.

The simple fact that the far-right fails to recognise or deliberately obscures in order to maintain the long-standing status quo of power is this, and this has been one of my favourite sayings for a couple of years now: human rights are not non-renewable resources. Giving more rights and privileges to disadvantaged people does not mean taking those same rights away from the people who have already been enjoying those same rights and privileges for decades… or centuries… or millennia. Lifting those people up to the same or similar level as your own doesn’t mean that you have somehow been brought down — it doesn’t mean that they are better than you now. It means that you are now on a level playing field. It means you don’t get a 90-metre head start in a 100-metre dash, not that they are suddenly getting the same head start that you have always enjoyed.

A lot of embracers of far-right ideology are hiding behind the security blanket of “beliefs” so they can continue to ostracise groups they don’t want to embrace. They don’t want to make a cake for a gay wedding. They don’t want to wear a rainbow logo on their football jersey. They don’t want drag queens to exist, period. And if you criticise or confront them over this, holy shit here comes the woke agenda again trying to control what Americans can’t and can’t do (again, the irony of this ideology goes unnoticed).

What really doesn’t make sense to me about any of this is what, exactly, these people are afraid of losing. What does it cost them to make that cake for the gay couple? What real impact on his life does it have for that footballer to just wear the damned rainbow logo? Exactly who the hell in the entire history of civilisation has been harmed by the presence of a drag queen? I don’t understand the fear, but more than that, I don’t understand the effort that people have to go to in maintaining that fear, or worse, encouraging other people to maintain and spread that fear.

“If we teach kids about homosexuality, they might decide to be gay!” Yeah? So what? Where’s the harm? If you’re trying to say that homosexuality is fundamentally immoral and wrong, you’re not sounding a whole hell of a lot different from your parents or grandparents who were saying the same thing about miscegenation, insisting they’d disown their white daughters if they ever brought a black man home with them.

What today’s constant pulpit-thumping against “woke” really boils down to is exactly what my playful mental substitution of “egalitarian” for “woke” suggests: the far-right doesn’t want to embrace Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations. They want one ideology, one religion, one economic system, one nation under one God, indivisible (so long as they get their own way), with liberty and justice for, uhhhhhh… not… woke.

These people don’t know what they’re missing. I’m a straight dude, but I’ve gone out dancing with gay guys heaps of times, and it was fun as hell every time. I’ve known several transgender people, and aside from the initial confusion around what pronouns to use, interacting with them had no negative impact on my life whatsoever. It simply makes no difference to me what these people do behind closed doors, either alone or with each other. It doesn’t matter to me at all, beyond the basic hope that they get to do whatever the hell they want to do with their own lives, just like I do.

If we’re ever going to advance as a species — and if we’re ever going to deserve that advancement — we have to embrace our differences instead of using them as guidelines for where to erect barriers, and ghettos, and cells. More than warp drive, transporters, or replicators, that’s the one thing in all of Star Trek that we need most if we’re ever going to have any hope of reaching our true potential.

When you say “woke”, I hear “egalitarian”. And I embrace — and hope for — Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

Conversations with ChatGPT: Motorcycle crash

I had the following conversation with ChatGPT about my November 2021 motorcycle accident. I have edited its responses to remove some redundancy.

Estimate the distance travelled by a person wearing a leather jacket and cotton jeans, sliding over a chipseal road surface, when their starting velocity was 100 kph.

To estimate the distance travelled by a person wearing a leather jacket and cotton jeans sliding over a chipseal road surface when their starting velocity was 100 kph, we need to make some assumptions and use some physics equations.

 

A wrecked BMW S1000R motorcycle.
The motorcycle slid 100 metres down the road before spinning 180 degrees and sliding into a ditch. It seemed okay at first…
BMW S1000R, upright in a ditch.
After hauling the motorcycle upright, the extensive damage became apparent.

Assumptions:

  • The person is sliding horizontally with no vertical motion.
  • The person is in a stable position and not tumbling or rotating.
  • The coefficient of kinetic friction between the leather jacket/cotton jeans and the chipseal road surface is 0.7 (a reasonable estimate for dry asphalt).

Using the equation for the distance traveled during constant acceleration, which is:

d = (v^2 – u^2) / (2a)

 

where:

  • d is the distance traveled
  • v is the final velocity (which we assume is 0, since the person eventually stops)
  • u is the initial velocity (100 kph, which needs to be converted to m/s)
  • a is the acceleration (which we can calculate using the coefficient of friction and the gravitational acceleration)

Converting the initial velocity to m/s:

100 kph = 27.8 m/s

Calculating the acceleration using the coefficient of friction and gravitational acceleration:

a = μg

a = 0.7 * 9.81 m/s^2

a = 6.87 m/s^2

Plugging in the values:

d = (0^2 – 27.8^2) / (2 * 6.87)

d = 223.5 meters

Therefore, the distance traveled by a person wearing a leather jacket and cotton jeans sliding over a chipseal road surface when their starting velocity was 100 kph is approximately 223.5 meters.

If I only slid 80 metres in the above scenario, what is the likely reason?

If the person only slid 80 meters in the above scenario where their starting velocity was 100 kph and assuming the same conditions and assumptions, there are several possible reasons for this:

  1. The coefficient of kinetic friction between the leather jacket/cotton jeans and the chipseal road surface might be lower than the assumed value of 0.7. This could be due to various factors, such as the road surface being wet or oily, or the clothing materials being worn or damaged.
  2. The person might have encountered an obstacle or a change in the road surface that caused them to slow down or stop earlier than expected. For example, there could have been a pothole, a bump, or a change in the road gradient that caused the person to lose momentum.
  3. The person might have tried to slow down or stop themselves by applying some form of friction or resistance, such as using their hands or feet, which would have reduced their sliding distance. This could be a deliberate action, such as attempting to slow down and stop as quickly as possible, or an involuntary reflex, such as putting out a hand to break a fall.
  4. There might be errors or inaccuracies in the initial assumptions or calculations. For example, the person’s actual mass and surface area in contact with the road surface could be different from the assumed values, or there could be other factors affecting the sliding distance that were not considered in the original analysis.

In any case, it is important to note that the calculation of the sliding distance is based on several assumptions and simplifications, and the actual distance traveled by a person sliding on a road surface can vary significantly depending on the specific conditions and circumstances.

 

A thick oil slick on a wet road.
A thick oil spill over a wet road, which caused total loss of friction and control.
An x-ray of shoulder and ribs.
X-ray showing ribs healed from an accident nine years earlier, but no new damage.

How much force is needed to break a person’s ribs?

The amount of force needed to break a person’s ribs can vary widely depending on various factors, such as the person’s age, sex, health status, and the angle and location of the impact. Generally, ribs are more susceptible to fractures from a direct blow or compression, and the force required to cause a rib fracture can range from as little as 4 to 5 kgf (kilograms of force) to more than 900 kgf.

In general, a force of 300 kgf or more can cause a rib fracture in most individuals, with some sources citing a range of 200 to 350 kgf.

 

Estimate the force of a 100 kg person impacting a road surface after falling off a motorcycle – the angle of impact vs the direction of travel is approximately 45 degrees in the x axis (in other words, at a 45 degree angle to the direction of travel).

To estimate the force of a 100 kg person impacting a road surface after falling off a motorcycle at a 45-degree angle to the direction of travel, we can use the principles of Newtonian mechanics.

Assuming that the person is traveling at a constant speed before falling off the motorcycle, the force of impact will depend on the person’s velocity and the angle of impact. Let’s assume that the person is traveling at 20 m/s (approximately 72 km/h) and impacts the road surface at a 45-degree angle to the direction of travel.

We can break down the force of impact into two components: one perpendicular to the road surface (normal force) and one parallel to the road surface (tangential force). The normal force is equal to the person’s weight, which is 100 kg multiplied by the acceleration due to gravity, which is approximately 9.81 m/s^2, or 981 N. The tangential force is equal to the person’s momentum in the direction of travel at the moment of impact, which is 100 kg multiplied by 20 m/s multiplied by the sine of 45 degrees (since the angle of impact is 45 degrees to the direction of travel), or approximately 1414 N.

The total force of impact is equal to the vector sum of these two components, which we can calculate using the Pythagorean theorem:

force = sqrt(normal force^2 + tangential force^2)

force = sqrt((981 N)^2 + (1414 N)^2)

force = sqrt(1974061 N^2)

force = 1405 N (approximately)

Therefore, the force of a 100 kg person impacting a road surface after falling off a motorcycle at a 45-degree angle to the direction of travel and traveling at 20 m/s is estimated to be approximately 1405 N.

Recalculate the above for an initial velocity of 100 kph.

Sure! Let’s recalculate the force of impact for an initial velocity of 100 km/h, which is equivalent to approximately 27.8 m/s.

Assuming that the person impacts the road surface at the same 45-degree angle to the direction of travel, we can use the same principles of Newtonian mechanics to calculate the force of impact.

The normal force, which is equal to the person’s weight, is still 100 kg multiplied by the acceleration due to gravity, or approximately 981 N.

The tangential force, which is equal to the person’s momentum in the direction of travel at the moment of impact, is now 100 kg multiplied by 27.8 m/s multiplied by the sine of 45 degrees, or approximately 1961 N.

Using the Pythagorean theorem to find the total force of impact:

force = sqrt(normal force^2 + tangential force^2)

force = sqrt((981 N)^2 + (1961 N)^2)

force = sqrt(5762042 N^2)

force = 2400 N (approximately)

Therefore, the force of a 100 kg person impacting a road surface after falling off a motorcycle at a 45-degree angle to the direction of travel and traveling at 100 km/h is estimated to be approximately 2400 N.

Is that sufficient force to break bone?

Yes, a force of 2400 N is sufficient to break bones, including ribs, depending on the location and angle of impact, the age and health of the person, and other factors.

Bone fractures can occur due to a variety of forces, and the amount of force required to cause a fracture can vary widely depending on the bone in question and the specific conditions of the impact. However, a force of 2400 N can certainly cause bone fractures, particularly if the impact is focused on a small area of the body, such as the ribs or the pelvis.

How much force mitigation does D3O armour provide?

D3O is a brand of smart material that is used in a variety of impact protection applications, including motorcycle armor, sports protective gear, and phone cases. The unique properties of D3O are its ability to be flexible and pliable in normal use, but to instantly harden and absorb impact energy when subjected to sudden shocks or impacts.

According to the D3O website, the material is capable of reducing the amount of force transmitted by up to 50% compared to traditional foam-based materials. However, the specific level of protection provided by D3O armor can vary depending on the specific design and application of the armor, as well as the nature and severity of the impact.

How much force reduction does “traditional foam-based materials” used in motorcycle armour typically provide?

According to some studies and industry sources, foam-based armor can reduce the amount of force transmitted by up to 30% compared to unprotected impact areas. However, the specific level of protection provided by foam-based armor can vary widely depending on the specific type and quality of foam used, as well as the nature and severity of the impact.

If foam-based materials reduce force transmission by up to 30%, and D3O provides 50% more force production than that, what is the total amount of force reduction for a 2400 N impact.

If foam-based materials reduce force transmission by up to 30%, and D3O provides 50% more force reduction than that, the total amount of force reduction for a 2400 N impact with D3O armor would be:

  • Foam-based materials reduce force transmission by up to 30%, which means that they would reduce a 2400 N impact force by up to 30%, or by 720 N.
  • D3O provides 50% more force reduction than foam-based materials, which means that it would reduce a 2400 N impact force by an additional 50% of the 30% reduced by foam-based materials, or by 360 N.
  • Therefore, the total amount of force reduction for a 2400 N impact with D3O armor would be 720 N (from foam-based materials) + 360 N (from D3O) = 1080 N, or approximately 45% of the original impact force.

Does this reduce the force of a 2400 N impact low enough to reduce the risk of bone fracture?

A force reduction of 1080 N could certainly help to reduce the risk of bone fracture compared to an impact with the full 2400 N force. Additionally, protective gear like D3O armor can help to distribute impact forces more evenly across the body, reducing the risk of localized injuries to specific bones or body parts.

Assume the 2400 N impact took place on the shoulder (with D3O armour) and the hip (no armour). What are the likely outcomes from this impact?

Bsed on the scenario you described (shoulder impact with D3O armor, hip impact without armor), we can make some general predictions about the likely outcomes:

  • Shoulder impact with D3O armor: If the impact was absorbed by D3O armor on the shoulder, it is likely that the force of the impact would be significantly reduced, potentially reducing the risk of shoulder injury. However, it’s still possible that the wearer could experience some pain or discomfort in the shoulder area, particularly if the impact was at an angle or if the force was transmitted to other parts of the body. If the impact was severe enough, there is still a risk of shoulder injury, such as a fracture or dislocation.
  • Hip impact without armor: If the impact was not protected by any armor on the hip, the force of the impact would likely be transmitted directly to the bones and tissues in the hip area. This could result in a range of injuries, from bruises and contusions to more severe injuries such as fractures, dislocations, or soft tissue damage.

I survived the above scenario (impact against the road at 100 kph plus an 80 metre slide down the road) with only minor injuries after a motorcycle crash. Is that a statistically likely outcome of this type of crash?

It’s difficult to determine the statistical likelihood of any specific outcome in a motorcycle crash, as the severity of injuries can vary widely depending on many factors, including the specific location and direction of the impact, the age and physical condition of the rider, the presence of protective gear, and many other factors.

That being said, surviving a motorcycle crash with only minor injuries after impact at 100 kph and an 80-meter slide down the road is certainly a positive outcome, and it suggests that the rider was likely wearing appropriate protective gear and following safe riding practices.

“Road to Zero” makes zero sense

New Zealand Prime Minister Chris Hipkins recently announced a wide range of policies would be either paused or cancelled entirely. While the PM was already intending a “back to basics” approach to governance, the recent, large-scale impacts of Cyclone Gabrielle kind of forced an acceleration of this mentality.

One of the casualties of this slash n’ burn is Waka Kotahi / NZTA’s “Road to Zero” campaign. And I am beyond thrilled to see this policy sent where it belongs: to the dustbin.

Several years ago, someone somewhere in New Zealand’s government got the “brilliant” idea that even one death on our roads was too many — ignoring the fact that driving a two-tonne steel box on a poorly maintained chipseal surface whilst surrounded on all sides by others doing exactly the same thing, except some of the other people in those other steel boxes might be busy playing Candy Crush on their phone instead of concentrating on driving, or they might be drunk, or they might just be flat out incapable of safely driving their conveyance due to simple incompetence. A strange notion, to be sure, given the truly comprehensive driver education programmes we have in New Zealand. Ahem.

Anyway, unwilling to accept that driving is an inherently risky activity that American congressman Ralph Nader described nearly 60 years ago as “unsafe at any speed”, Waka Kotahi came up with its “Road to Zero” policy. This, in a nutshell, aimed to reduce road deaths and serious injuries on New Zealand’s roads to zero.

A laudable goal, perhaps, if it weren’t also completely unachievable. But it’s something I could almost get behind if it were done the right way: say, with widespread improvements to the roads themselves, or mandatory driver education programmes, or really any driver education at all.

A snail rides a turtle and says, "OMG! Slow down! Yer gonna get us killed!"
The sum total of Waka Kotahi's road safety policy

But instead, the entirety of Waka Kotahi’s plan was to reduce speed limits, nationwide. Their theory was as simple as it was simpleminded: if we make sure that people are travelling so slowly that they can’t possibly die even if they’re involved in a collision, then job done. 

They started this initiative on the Napier-Taupo road (SH5), reducing the speed limit on the entirety of the road from its previous 100 kph down to 80 kph. It didn’t matter if the road was winding or straight, level or hilly, well-maintained or in shambles — whatever the condition of the road, or the weather, or your vehicle, or your own skill as a driver, you could never go faster than 80 on this road.

Waka Kotahi put on a show of consulting with the locals before enacting the speed limit changes, but despite strong and widespread opposition from people living on or otherwise regularly using SH5, Waka Kotahi ignored the feedback and enacted their speed limit changes anyway.

Then, in 2022, they did the same thing on SH2 between Featherston and Masterton in the Wairarapa, with the same sequence of events:

  • Waka Kotahi held a public consultation
  • The public told Waka Kotahi they would very much like them to not lower the speed limit
  • Waka Kotahi ignored the public feedback and lowered the speed limits anyway.

I’ve worked in New Zealand government for nearly 10 years, so I know full well how a consultation is supposed to work. Councils and other government organisations almost always have their “preferred option” among several stated possibilities, and they will employ psychological tricks of varying degrees of complexity to try steering public sentiment toward that preferred option. But when or if public backlash against that preferred option is unmistakable in its intensity, a responsible organisation working within a democratic government should at the very least pause and re-examine its proposals if the will of the people is so obviously strong in its opposition.

Public feedback against the proposed speed limit change in the Wairarapa was both vociferous and fierce, and it went as high as the MP for the Wairarapa making a submission against it. But Waka Kotahi didn’t care about any of that, and they forged ahead with their speed limit changes. The residents of the Wairarapa fumed in anger, but no one really knew what, if anything, could be done to reverse these nonsensical and debilitating changes to our roads.

So, I submitted an Official Information Act request to Waka Kotahi asking them to supply all documentation relating to their consultation with the Wairarapa, and why they decided to forge ahead with their decision to lower the speed limit despite public outcry.

OIA requests don’t really give government entities a lot of wiggle room. They’re similar to Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests in the United States, but here in NZ these OIA requests have real teeth to them. I have been part of the responses to several OIAs as part of my work for NZ government, and they’re handled with great gravity and care. Knowing this, that’s why I submitted my OIA to Waka Kotahi in the first place: I knew this was perhaps the only way to pin them down to a response that their communications advisers and PR people couldn’t spin into obfuscated unintelligibility.

It took nearly a month, but the OIA response finally came back. Their response confirmed what I suspected:

  • Waka Kotahi had no intention of exploring any other safety improvements for this road instead of speed reductions. Whether they made any other improvements or not was irrelevant to reducing the speed.
  • Waka Kotahi had no intention of changing its stance on speed reductions, regardless of public feedback during the consultation periods. They explicitly noted in their OIA response that “consultations are not a vote” and wilfully ignored the will of the people living in this area and using this road every day. They also ignored feedback from our local MP, AA, and several local councils.
  • The actual fatality and serious crash statistics for this road over the past 10 years are in reality very low for a road with the level of traffic it has. The relatively low numbers don’t support Waka Kotahi’s contention that the speed limit reductions are a necessary safety measure.
  • Waka Kotahi rolled out these speed reductions on SH2 essentially as a test case for rolling out similar reductions across New Zealand.

I posted the results of this OIA in a Wairarapa Commuters Facebook group, and it set off a firestorm immediately. Within days, I had a reporter from the Wairarapa Times-Age contact me for comment, and two articles about the issue went in that newspaper over the following week.

One of the other tidbits from Waka Kotahi’s OIA release was that speeds between Greytown and Featherston weren’t reduced because of any real safety issues; rather, the speed was reduced “for consistency” with the other speed reductions made on SH2. Once our local MP became aware of this, he declared that he was going to put pressure on Waka Kotahi to reverse this change.

Now, the PM has stepped in and seriously curtailed the programme. He said there would be a “significant narrowing of the speed reduction programme to focus on the most dangerous 1% of state highways, and ensuring Waka Kotahi are consulting meaningfully with affected communities“, and this would mean that “speed limits will reduce in the places where there are the highest numbers of deaths and injuries and where local communities support change“(emphasis added).

The open question now is whether or not Waka Kotahi will see fit to reverse the two speed reduction programmes it has already enacted on SH5 and SH2. It’s honestly a moot point whether they reverse the changes on SH5; thanks to widespread damage in that area from Cyclone Gabrielle, SH5 essentially no longer exists now. But SH2 does, and many Wairarapa residents — myself included — are waiting to see whether Waka Kotahi backs down under pressure from us, our MP, or even the PM.

When the reporter from the Wairarapa Times-Age contacted me for comment on Waka Kotahi’s OIA response, he wasn’t able to publish most of my responses due to journalistic restrictions. I’m under no such strictures, so here are my responses to his questions.

Why did you submit the OIA?

Waka Kotahi hasn’t been particularly transparent or forthcoming about how and why it reached its conclusion that speed reductions on SH2 were a necessary safety measure. I hoped to get more insight into what, if any, alternatives it had explored and why those had been rejected in favour of speed reductions. I also wanted to find out what weight (if any) it gave to the many, many submissions that came out against the speed reductions not only from members of the general public, but also from local MP Kieran McAnulty, the AA, and local councils and businesses.

In short, I wanted to know why Waka Kotahi decided these speed reductions were necessary, how it came to that conclusion, and why it chose not to respect the will of the communities that said we do not want them to proceed.

What do you think is the most important/revealing information in the OIA response?

The most revealing aspect of the OIA response from Waka Kotahi confirmed what I had suspected: Waka Kotahi never made any good faith moves toward exploring road safety measures instead of speed reductions; any suggested roading improvements were always intended to be in addition to the speed reductions.

Waka Kotahi also never made any serious gestures toward taking into consideration the substantially negative public feedback toward its proposed speed limit changes. They noted in their strategy documents the risk of negative public sentiment, but they never expressed any intention, even at the planning stage, of respecting public opinion on this matter.

Why do you feel that the speed limit reductions are unjustified?

SH2 is a straight, wide, level road with good visibility and a generally good road surface. It is the main arterial route connecting Wairarapa communities to Wellington and the Tararua and Manawatū districts, and it is in the best interest of everyone living in this region that this route is one that’s efficient to travel.

There were only 4 fatal crashes and 26 serious crashes on this road in the 10 years from 2010 to 2019. Both of these are very low numbers for a road that, according to some estimates, can see as many as 14,000 vehicles travelling it per day. It is a textbook example of what a 100 km/h road in New Zealand should look like.

Reducing the speed on this road to 80 km/h is a nonsensical move that will only lead to increased driver frustration and distraction, and it is likely to have the opposite effect from what Waka Kotahi intends: more crashes, not fewer.

How do you feel about the Waka Kotahi consultation process?

Waka Kotahi explicitly stated in their response that “consultations are not a vote”, which tells me the entire consultation was just a box-ticking exercise, and Waka Kotahi never had any intention of adjusting its plans no matter the nature of the feedback or who it came from.

This is not unique to Waka Kotahi — central and local government organisations generally have a “preferred option” in their consultations and rarely waver from that unless there is sufficient risk to the organisation to justify changing its stance. But in this particular instance, Waka Kotahi has been pretty blatant in its stance toward public feedback on its strategy — they definitely hear us asking them not to do this, but they definitely do not care.

What do you think Waka Kotahi should do differently in their consultation process?

Waka Kotahi says they do not apply any statistical weighting to their consultation responses, which I find absolutely baffling and bordering on an abdication of its responsibilities as a public service organisation. I have worked in both local and central government, and I have been directly involved in a multitude of public consultations, and I have never heard of a consultation going out that didn’t have some kind of statistical analysis done on responses — until now.

At a bare minimum, Waka Kotahi should be doing a basic level of analysis on its responses to at least get an idea of public sentiment for or against its proposals. That it failed to do so strongly indicates that public feedback simply does not matter at all to Waka Kotahi, and it is only exercising the minimum legally required level of effort in the consultation process.

Ideally — given that New Zealand is a democratic nation — public feedback on proposals like these should be taken under advisement, with strategies adjusted when or if public sentiment is strong enough. Consultations may not be a vote, but if the outcome of the consultation is pre-determined no matter what the public says, then the consultation itself is a farce.

What safety improvements do you think would be better than a speed limit reduction?

I have no objection to any of the other safety improvements Waka Kotahi has proposed. Putting up barriers between opposing lanes seems sensible, as does replacing high-risk intersections with roundabouts.

If money were no object, I would say SH2 should be widened to two lanes each way with a barrier median separating opposing traffic. As people are increasingly getting priced-out of home ownership in the Wellington and Hutt Valley areas, there are increasing numbers of westbound commuters moving to the Wairarapa — so in the long term, it would be far more sensible to make improvements to SH2 that increase travel efficiency between our region and Wellington. The speed limit reductions instead reduce travel efficiency for thousands of people, each way, every day.

What do you think of Road to Zero?

I think Road to Zero is a fundamentally misguided strategy that will not and cannot achieve its stated goals.

I used to work in radiation health physics, and one of the cornerstone principles of that field is the concept of ALARA: keeping workers’ exposure to radiation doses As Low As Reasonably Achievable. The key word here is reasonable. We could have taken measures to ensure that workers were exposed to zero radiation, but many of those measures would have led to decreased worker safety in other areas.

An ALARA approach is called for with respect to road safety as well: keep road deaths and serious crashes As Low As Reasonably Achievable. Road to Zero is not a reasonable strategy; the only way to truly ensure zero road deaths is to outlaw road travel altogether.

Waka Kotahi’s singleminded, tunnel-vision focus on speed reductions is only going to lead to driving in this country becoming both a chore and a bore. Bored drivers become distracted drivers, and distracted drivers become dangerous drivers — increasing the risk for everyone else on the road. Creating artificial inefficiencies in our roading network will also have additional economic impacts that we quite frankly cannot afford to bear right now with everything else that’s going on economically.

Yes, it is tragic when people die on our roads. No one is denying that. But taking a hardline stance and saying we must have zero deaths when many thousands of people are engaging in an inherently risky activity every day is neither reasonable nor achievable. Road to Zero makes zero sense.

Review: LDFAS titanium band

I finally received the LDFAS new titanium band 15 days after ordering it (which included it sitting in a depot 60 km away from my house for three days… man, shipping in NZ is terrible).

This band is similar to another titanium band that LDFAS makes, which I got last year. That band was designed several years ago, and it’s nice enough that it’s still part of my collection. However, the new/more expensive version of the titanium band looks and feels more premium due to the bevelling on the links, the much higher-quality clasp, and the fact that it’s a full titanium construction throughout (the older version uses a stainless steel clasp and watch connector lugs).

The new titanium band has thicker links — anywhere from 1.5 to 2x thicker than the old version — and the links are also wider by about 1 or 2mm, with much less taper from the watch connector down to the clasp. The clasp itself is a diver-style clasp that has a much smoother action than the older version and does not stick out from the rest of the band at all. The only higher-quality clasp I’ve had on an Apple Watch band is the one on Apple’s own link bracelet.

In fact, “the only higher quality is Apple’s own link bracelet” is one that applies to just about every aspect of this band. Unlike the earlier version, this new titanium band feels like it was deliberately designed with the Apple Watch Ultra in mind. The match in both fit and finish to the Apple Watch Ultra is about as good as you’re going to get in the market right now, especially at this price point — I paid about NZ$160 all up, including shipping. Compared to what some other manufacturers are charging for titanium bands, and especially compared to how much Apple’s link bracelet costs, that feels like an absolute bargain.

There’s no question whether it’s real titanium, by the way — its weight comes midway between my aluminium Juuk Vitero and Apple’s space black stainless steel link bracelet, which is exactly what you’d expect from titanium, which sits midway in density between steel and aluminium. Also, an enterprising LDFAS customer from Japan took a blowtorch to one of the links, and it displayed the same sort of rainbow discolouration you’d expect from titanium.

This is a very comfortable, high-quality band that really elevates the look of the Apple Watch Ultra and, more than any of the bands that Apple designed for the Ultra, makes it look like the premium tool watch that it actually is.

Spinning wheels

Something occurred to me last night: I can’t think of any huge, earth-shaking, paradigm-shifting, society-disrupting technological shifts that have happened in the past 15 years. The very last instance I can think of where the introduction of a new technology cleanly defined our world into Before and After was in 2007 when the iPhone (and its subsequent legions of copycats) came out, and transformed not only the nature of computing, but the way we interact with one another (or fail to) on a global basis.

For most of the 20th century, world-changing tech dropped on a fairly regular basis. Automobiles. Powered flight. The assembly line. Antibiotics. Multiple vaccines. The discovery of DNA. Radio. Television. Nuclear fission power, nuclear fission bombs, nuclear fusion bombs. Jet engines, rockets, ICBMs. Manned spaceflight, landing on the Moon, space stations, space probes visiting every planet in the Solar System. Computing mainframes, personal computers, the internet, the worldwide web.

The spacecraft Discovery from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
We were supposed to be flying this to Jupiter in 2001. That was 21 years ago. We still don't have anything close to this.

But somehow, it feels like everything since 2007 has just been variations on existing themes. Remixes. Yes, we have reusable rockets via SpaceX now, but so did the Space Shuttle back in the 1980s. We’re going back to the Moon later this decade, but that’s just revisiting an achievement that was made, and subsequently abandoned, years before I was born. 4K TV is a remix of HD. Starlink is just satellite internet with the satellites in LEO instead of GEO. The fastest Wi-Fi today is an iteration of its predecessors, all the way back to the original. Same deal with 5G. The iPad is basically just a big iPhone. The Apple Watch is basically just a small iPhone. The iPhone 14 is just the original iPhone with a better CPU, screen, camera, etc.

I am oversimplifying, obviously, and I probably have a too narrow, reductive view of what counts as “revolutionary” when it comes to a new technological, engineering, or biomedical feat. But that still doesn’t stop me from feeling as though, societally, as a species, we hit an innovation wall 15 years ago and have resorted to iterative evolutionary improvements rather than revolutionary improvements.

Maybe it’s a problem of all the low-hanging fruit having been claimed already. For example, it’s easy to be blasé about the “miracle of flight” when you’ve never known a world without it, and the idea of getting on a plane and soaring through the air holds very few romantic notions and honestly sounds like a major pain in the ass instead (you mean I have to take off my shoes before I can enter this aluminium tube and go hurtling 10 kilometres above the earth at nearly the speed of sound, winding up on the other side of the planet in less than a day? Ugh, what bullshit). And how many people out there even know that we have had a continuous, uninterrupted human presence in low Earth orbit for almost this entire century so far?

Maybe some stuff has just flown under the radar a bit, and its true impact has yet to be felt. CRISPR has been in testing for a while, and if that lives up to its promise it has the potential to be the most revolutionary change in medicine since… well, medicine. We may look back and see the introduction of ChatGPT and Stable Diffusion as the foetal stage of “true” AI. mRNA vaccines may lead to cures for everything from the common cold to cancer. And maybe these achingly slow steps we’re taking toward a permanent settlement on the Moon will turn out to be the very belated beginning of ours becoming a truly multi-planetary species.

I do think there are some major developments just over the horizon. The recent breakthrough in fusion research has the potential to be absolutely huge in terms of our global energy needs and the fight against climate change. The James Webb telescope has the potential to find Earth 2.0 out there, leading to what I would like to think would be a big change to the way our society thinks about our place in the universe and our role within it, but will probably turn out instead to be just a big species-wide shrug and a swivel of the head back toward whatever vapid thing Harry and Megan have got up to this week.

But everything that I can think of that might be a huge, revolutionary, society-altering change is 10, 20, 30 years away. Everything in the near term still looks like more of the same: remixes, remakes, reboots.

I have to wonder how we got here, and why it feels like nothing much has changed on a fundamental level for the past 15 years. Is it that the low-hanging fruit was indeed all harvested? Did Facebook et al throw a major ADHD spanner into the works? Is it the fact that we’re staggering blindly and half-crazed through late-stage capitalism, where the only thing that truly matters is TEH STONKS? Is it at least partly because the country that drove the majority of revolutionary innovation through the 20th century is now, in almost every way that counts, a shrivelled husk and a shadow of its former self?

All of the above? None of the above? I don’t know. Maybe we haven’t actually just been spinning our wheels in place for the past 15 years, doing donuts across the face of the Earth and flipping the bird to the stars… but it certainly feels like we have to me.

Review: Apple Watch Ultra

Apple Watch Ultra

Background: What is an Apple Watch actually for?

When Apple first introduced the Apple Watch eight years ago in late 2014, it seemed very much like an experimental product, one for which Apple hadn’t yet determined a primary purpose. This was an unusual move on Apple’s part, because usually when it introduces products there is a laser-like “this is what this product is for and what it does” focus. With the Apple Watch, it seemed more like Apple put the product out there because many people had been anticipating that they would for nearly five years at that point. In retrospect, it also seems as though Apple didn’t really know what the Apple Watch was actually for until people actually started using it.

Tim Cook tried to echo Steve Jobs’s iconic 2007 unveiling of the iPhone (“A phone, an iPod, an internet communicator… are you getting it?”) by following the same “this is three things in one” product pitch. The Apple Watch was supposed to be:

  1. A precise, customisable timepiece
  2. An intimate way to connect and communicate
  3. A comprehensive health and fitness companion

Jony Ive’s introduction video for the Apple Watch, and much of Apple’s marketing for that first year, instead attempted to pitch the device as a fashion accessory that also happened, almost incidentally, to do the three things Cook described. Apple even came out with a gold Apple Watch Edition in that first year, priced at an eye-watering $10,000.

After the first couple of years, when both the device itself and the software running on it were in essentially a widespread public beta, Apple finally honed in on what people were actually using the Apple Watch for.

“A precise, customisable timepiece” is, in a way, nodding toward the idea that this thing looks like a watch, and is a watch, but isn’t just a watch — the same way that the iPhone has the word “phone” right in the name, and can in fact be used as a phone, but isn’t used as a phone nearly as much as it’s used for other functions. It’s the most obvious function of the Apple Watch — again, the function is right there in the name — but you kind of have to say it anyway even though it’s drop-dead obvious.

Apple has introduced many new watch faces over the years, some more attractive and/or functional than others, but the basic idea of “this thing tells you the time” isn’t really something that can be improved or built upon that much. Almost immediately Apple stopped focusing on this functionality in its marketing, because once enough people realised that duh, it tells time, Apple didn’t need to push that idea anymore.

People weren’t really using the Apple Watch as “an intimate way to connect and communicate”, at least not in the way it was designed for at the outset. It’s hard to remember now, but back in the first couple years the “side button” on the Apple Watch used to bring up a dedicated shortcut UI that showed up to 12 of your friends in a wheel. The idea was supposed to be that you’d be able to quickly communicate with people on your Watch.

Apparently, hardly anyone did this. The dedicated “friends wheel” function was ditched in watchOS 3, which was the first major revamp of the Watch software that ushered out many of the UI paradigms of the first two years and brought in many new ones, almost all of which persist to this day. One example: as of watchOS 3 and to this day, the side button brings up a “dock” showing either your most recently-used apps or up to 10 apps you’ve designated as favourites. This was way more useful than the friends wheel (which I only ever activated accidentally) and transformed the experience of using the Watch.

When the iPhone was introduced in 2007, its third major feature — “a revolutionary internet communicator” — was thrown out there almost as an afterthought. Yet for most people, that’s become the primary function of the device. For many, myself included, the iPhone has become the primary means by which people access the internet.

Much like the iPhone, the Apple Watch’s third-and-almost-an-afterthought feature — “a comprehensive health and fitness companion” — has arguably become its primary use case for many people. It certainly has for me. In the seven years that I’ve owned Apple Watches, I have indeed used them to check the time and to communicate with people, but the main raison d’être this thing has lived on my wrist all day, all night, for every day and every night of those seven years, and why I would never consider wearing a traditional watch or a smartwatch from any other manufacturer, has been its health and fitness features.

Apple quickly realised that many people like me had zeroed in on the health and fitness features as their primary use case for the Apple Watch, so Apple shifted its focus both in terms of its marketing and its product design.

Now, with the Apple Watch Ultra, there is a product that is the ultimate expression of the “comprehensive health and fitness companion” aspect of the device. It is unabashedly a sports and fitness device, and it’s the first Apple Watch since the very first one that truly feels new and inspiring.

Apple Watch Ultra: the most watch-like Apple Watch yet

Apple Watches I have owned so far:

  • May 2015: First-gen “Series 0” in space grey aluminium
  • October 2017: Third-gen Series 3 Apple Watch Nike+ in space grey aluminium
  • September 2020: Sixth-gen Series 6 Apple Watch in graphite stainless steel
  • September 2022: Apple Watch Ultra in titanium

The Apple Watch Ultra doesn’t have the huge leap in device performance I had between Series 3 and 6, much less between Series 0 and Series 3. It isn’t any “quicker” than the Series 6 was, but it doesn’t really need to be, either — Apple really hit its stride with the SOC in that generation, with it arguably being the first SOC that was actually powerful enough to run the software processes being demanded of it.

Where the Ultra really shines over every other Apple Watch before it is in the screen performance and the battery life. 

The Ultra is the first Apple Watch I’ve owned whose screen is perfectly visible even in direct, intense sunlight without having to shield the screen with my opposite hand. I don’t have any direct evidence, but to my eyes the Ultra’s screen seems nearly as bright in always-on mode as the Series 0 original Apple Watch was at half brightness. 

The battery life is awesome. I have always been a fairly heavy user of the Apple Watches I’ve owned, and I usually got no more than 16 to 18 hours of battery life out of them before I had to recharge. The Ultra lasts me at least a day and a half. I know that’s still considered a joke in watch circles, but when you’ve spent 7 years needing to charge your watch every day, suddenly the fact that you only have to charge it every other day seems luxurious. 

The aesthetics are apparently polarising. Lots of people consider it huge, ungainly, and I have even seen the word “ghastly” thrown around. Respectfully, I disagree with that opinion. I love the design of this Watch way more than its predecessors. The original Apple Watch design was good, but it was also very safe. It didn’t really take many aesthetic risks. It epitomised the Jony Ive ideology of distilling an object down to its most essential, unadorned self, a blending of form and function so complete that each informs the other in perfect balance — looking somehow elegant but plain at the same time.

The Ultra isn’t that kind of object, and doesn’t have that kind of aesthetic. It’s bolder and more in-your-face than the original design. It’s less of a fluid teardrop of aluminium and glass (or steel and sapphire) that you’re meant to admire, and coddle, and cuddle, and more of an unapologetic tool, a thing for getting things done. There’s no delicacy or fragility to its lines, no suggestion that this is an object just as much at home in an art exhibition as it is on your wrist. This is a brute-force device for brute-force use cases that the earlier devices simply weren’t designed for.

I love that they took a risk with the Ultra’s design and made it different enough from the traditional Apple Watch to make it seem fresh and bold. Is it the perfect design? No. Some things about it lack a certain refinement, like the way the screen rises with a sharp verticality from the rounded edges of the watch itself. And I very much wish that it had come in black. 

I got the Apple Watch Ultra with a green alpine loop, and it’s been my favourite workout band ever thus far. It’s more comfortable than the original silicone sport band, and far more secure-feeling than the cloth sport loop. It’s difficult to get the band on and off, but that’s kind of the point. The olive drab colour with the titanium hook reminds me of safety restraints in a military vehicle. I wouldn’t choose to wear this band for any activity or occasion other than exercising, but for exercising itself, it’s an excellent choice.

I am thrilled the Ultra is compatible with the several bands I already owned. It looks surprisingly good with the original black sport band. Both that band and the stainless steel Space Black link bracelet give the Ultra an unmistakable dive watch character. And it also looks excellent (and feels extremely comfortable) with the leather café cuff band I got from Pad & Quill, which has been my go-to band when I ride my motorcycle.

Contrary to how Apple has marketed the Ultra, I’m probably not going to run a marathon, trek the Sahara, climb the Alps, or do any deep sea diving with this watch. I think maybe 1% of the people buying the Ultra are actually in what Apple claims is the target demographic for it. But that doesn’t matter, because just like an Omega Seamaster or a Rolex Submariner, the Apple Watch Ultra is still an aspirational/inspirational device. Hardly anyone with an Omega Seamaster is going to do any saturation diving that makes the watch’s helium escape valve something that’s actually necessary. Even fewer people paying Rolex prices for a Submariner are going to do any diving with that watch at all. But the Ultra has done the same thing my first Apple Watch did: it’s prompted me to move more, to exercise with greater focus, intent, and intensity. It’s an ever-present reminder that whatever I’m doing at the moment, I could be doing something more, whether that’s a walk to the beach, a HIIT session on the elliptical, or a visit to my weight bench downstairs.

Much like the first Apple Watch I got in 2015, the Ultra has been the kick in the ass I needed to get on track with my health and fitness goals. A device like this that actually helps me live a healthier (and potentially longer) life is worth what Apple is asking, especially since the Ultra has a greater focus on that side of things than the Apple Watch has ever had before.

To sum up: the Apple Watch Ultra was ridiculously expensive. It’s more watch than I will likely ever have a use for. It’s ostentatious to many, ugly to some, huge or ungainly to others, all of these to a few.

I love it.